Heroine

Heroine

T he beach filled with people coming to watch the sunset over the ocean. Mostly couples seeking a romantic setting. Two and two.

The light was golden, and I haven’t quite seen the sun setting as intensely with horizontal rays as in Bolinas, north of San Francisco. Perhaps it is the way the bay is formed and the million little salty ocean particles in the air from the crashing waves. It was as if the air vibrated of light.

I walked further, trying to find a secluded spot for solitude where I could get absorbed by my notebook. Undisturbed by the urge to get too nosy about other peoples business. I had a lot of things to write about. Being vulnerable and free.

How living on the road had made me open to receive more love than I could ever have imagined. Mostly horror stories tell about girls travelling on their own without a safe place to live. My mom was scared that I would run into intoxicated people without any boundaries. It was the opposite of the truth I found.

A girl grabbed my attention. Running down the beach in a minimal bikini, bedazzled. It was probably underwear. She was stunning, looking like a model who had gotten charmed by the party life.

Her limbs were a little too angular and her face a little too gloomy. Fighting invisible monsters and dancing in a paradise I could not see. Unsteady and clearly far from sober. Her wild dancing run came to an abrupt stop, and she turned to face the ocean. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Who was she?

I started scribbling notes about her frantically, she spun around and yelled that she had to interact with me. Mesmerized, I watched her approach me. Emotions ran amok within me, but I was too curious and fascinated to even think about a way to escape.

“You are so beautiful. Have anyone told you that? You are so beautiful.”

She softly grabbed my head and kissed me on the forehead. “You look like a mermaid. A beautiful mermaid.” She ran off before I even realized what had happened. I sat a little longer, letting the feelings settle before I started walking back towards the car.

As I walked around the bend and came up towards the couple sitting closest to me, they waved me over. “Do you know that girl?” It was obvious who they were talking about. No one could miss her, even if it had been on a busy city street. “No, I’ve never seen her before. Do you guys?”

“She told us to walk around the bend and look at you because you are so beautiful. As beautiful as a mermaid.”

Exploring Vulnerability

Exploring Vulnerability

Suddenly I found myself exploring cliffs by the sea with you whom I just met. Series of events leading to this one moment filled with laughter, understanding and a broad sense of trust. A meeting by the ocean, coloured by the sunrays hitting the surface. A sudden flicker of kindness. Ships, suddenly passing out at sea to just as quickly part again. Strong friendship bonds made in an instant.

It was May. Already living on the edge, balancing money and happiness, a single email shared the news that I would have to leave my home for an unknown period. My visa didn’t process fast enough, and if I didn’t abandon the country, it called for significant problems in the future.

Unexpectedly I am rolling down an, for me, unknown coastline in a little red Toyota Corolla exploring waves and a country I have never known. Hit by what seemed like a massive clean up set I collect myself upon these shores, trying to figure out what I have in this life. I have a surfboard and a camera; my one friend tells me that it is all I need to be okay.

Looking down at my frostbitten big toes, I tell myself to roll with the tides. Watching the waves coming in, that mass of water has to escape out at sea somewhere. I have to find the current and let it give me an effortless ride back out at sea. Life is just like surfing. It is better to flow effortlessly with what happens instead of trying to fight your way out of trouble. Everything will be okay.

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